S C A R E D (31)

 S C A R E D

    No matter when you think about it, you're always a little scared. Even when you think you aren't or have nothing to be scared over. All of us are truly afraid of something. Maybe it's something little like spiders or something bigger like jumping out of an airplane. Fears I think are slightly different than simply being scared of something.

    You see, once you realize it, being scared could simply mean that you need to push yourself as well. Maybe fight for something you believe in. But maybe fighting for that something might be scarier than it seems. 

    Then again, right now, the word scared has another meaning for me. My health has been something that always scared me. Even 10 years ago when I thought I was healthy. Scared wasn't just what I was feeling then but it is what I feel now. Scared of living my life with this autoimmune disorder that no matter if I feel like I have handle over I never do. Scared of having to explain it to people and not knowing what they think of me afterward. 

    Yet there are days when I tell myself that being scared can't stop me either. Yes living life with a autoimmune disease can be hard but I still find ways to make my life worth it too. That's not something to be scared of. Is it?  

-JS

C O L D (30)

C O L D

How often do you hear this word and think of the weather? Maybe you think of coughing and sneezing? Though the most common definition for this word is weather related or sickness, it can be used as an expression of feelings as well. Someone who is cold in attitude towards others. Can also be body temperature which means adding layers to outfits could be a must for a certain season as well.

When you think about it, people can be cold towards others as a protective instinct. Almost like showing that other part of their personality isn’t what some people want to see at all. It could be seen as being stand-offish as well. Giving someone the cold shoulder is a defense when wanting to protect someone else. 

When cold weather strikes, most people also get a small sickness known as the same word. Sniffling, sneezing, and coughing alike are symptoms felt around the world let alone in one simple country. Some thrive in colder weather, others feel seasonal depression until that first sight of Spring returns. 

No matter how or what causes the feeling of being cold, remembering that this feeling is really only temporary. Feeling cold or giving a cold shoulder is really just a way to show that you’ve been through the deep end and back. Now it’s to see it as a bright side to the end of the tunnel. 

-JS

New Year, Same Blog

 So here we are in 2026. What does this year got in store? Well, I'm hoping to at least finish off the school year more confident than I was at the beginning. But that isn't what this year truly means to me...

2026 is ten years since 2016. That year had more change on my life than I think I truly noticed. It took me all these years to realize it in a lot of ways. It will be a ten year anniversary of my medical condition. 10 years since I was diagnosed and discovered I had something that not many others had even heard of. It was in those first few months that I began to live my life differently to make up for what I was going to be missing in ways. Ten years is a big number with an illness I never thought I'd have let alone need to live with, but then again, I can't even remember most of my years without it. To the good and the bad of my illness, let this year be the easiest (most healthy I hope) yet.

It is also been ten years since my first relationship which altered a lot of my life today. Though it took me years to realize how, and work through a lot of new found boundaries and trust issues, I finally feel a bit more at peace with it. I cannot change what happened to me, but that doesn't mean I have to stand in silence or let it still have such a big hold on my life. This year, I want to finally breathe. I want to be able to breathe without worry or have those memories come floating back. I want to be able to sleep without fear of yet another night of night terrors and insomnia. So 2026, is going to be more about me. And the life I pledge to live. 

More about me and what I want. Maybe push my writing career further. Focus more on my goals and confidence level. To believe in myself and know that my life is exactly how it should be, in this present moment. 

To more words and blog posts in the new year... Starting with post #30 following this one!

2026, be good (please).