J E A L O U S Y (15)

 J E A L O U S Y

Something that can be both nice but frightening. Some people find jealousy as flirting or cute to see someone fight for someone else. Other times it could be slightly frightening to see, and might make someone scared by accident. Though jealousy isn’t always over people.

If someone gets better grades than someone else. If someone has a significant other than someone else. If someone even spends more time with friends than someone else. All of these things span jealousy for someone towards others. It can happen even when you least expect it to. Where it can be common for jealous tendencies to happen at a work environment, it can happy at home just as easily.

Jealousy can mean that a friendship between two people might come face to face with how they actually feel. It could mean pushing two people apart because of something small. It could even mean a grudge held for years after the problem might be fixable. Yet these feelings bubbling to the surface can create a cause-affect situation that could have a resolution that is easily obtained.

It could be something people like in someone else too. It shows protectiveness for someone, or the right to fight for something a person believes in, or at least it could be seen that way. Even if it might seem scary sometimes when faced head on. Jealousy could show how deep someone feels for someone else even when they can’t find words to explain it. 

Never hate people who are jealous of you, but respect their jealousy. They are the ones who think you are better than them. 

-JS

Standing Up... Finally.

     I have never felt like I hold any power. That I have this forcefield around me that lets me go through  life alone. Even though I have people in my corner, now, it still feels like I'm destined to work through my problems alone. It's not easy; but I have learned that I am not alone...

        When I was a younger girl, I got to experience relationships for what they were as a teenager. Lust hungry boys and what they assumed some relationships were supposed to be like. Never once did I feel that the way I'd be told how they felt was actually true. Too many reasons made me realize it wasn't. But the one thing I never did was let someone see how much it bothered me. That deep down it would bother me and make me feel small. Almost like I was on a glass chess board. That the wrong move and I would be captured as a pawn. That going through something I thought to be imaginable and could never happen, would be something that being alone would show me how strong one day I'd have to be. 

    I never really wanted that day to repeat itself. I knew I was stronger than I was that day when I was just a teenager in her first relationship. Yet as an adult who knew it would show up in a different circumstance entirely. That the mask I wore around others would now show that small girl who felt alone that unfaithful day. Who now felt like she was alone in a room full of coworkers. 

    But what happened this time was something I couldn't do the last. Was something that back then I could've done but felt too powerless to. This time I stood up. I put myself first and made sure that I was heard and my feelings were understood. Because this time I wasn't a scared teenager, but I was a young woman who now knew what she deserved. That was someone who understood her boundaries and understood the word "no". 

    Yes, I still feel that powerless alone feeling. Even though I held all the cards this time. That one wrong step would be his downfall. Because I held that moment. I had the upper hand despite feeling like I didn't. Despite feeling like I was stuck in that moment as a teenager again being told "it's okay" and "you liked it." I had the control. I controlled the outcome of what I felt and how I was going to be treated. And that was more than teenage me could understand. That was more than I could have ever hoped for me. I have people in my corner this time, who were watching out for me. Protecting me. And this time I wouldn't be known for hiding and being alone. But for standing up and becoming the hero I deserved. 

B U L L Y I N G (14)

 B U L L Y I N G

A childhood nightmare. Follows you wherever you go. Past, present, but never in the future. No matter how hard things get, no matter how much people might push you down. You are stronger than you think. You can get up, dust yourself off, and show those people what you are made of. 

Names can be said, and sometimes you get a talking to about what went wrong. Though that isn’t an easy fix for children to see themselves as stronger than their bullies. They need to know that they can fight for themselves too. Children are a lot stronger than they think they are. Most of the time, they don’t know just how strong they are. 

Though name calling or other forms of bullying are hard to escape. Life sometimes has them follow you around when all you wish is for them to go away. Remembering that those names can’t hurt you is the first step to showing that you can push them away. That nothing anyone ever says to you is powerful enough to break you down. 

           There is one other thing, and it's not just the action of bullying but the people. People who bully can be the same age as you or older, maybe younger too. Nothing stops someone from seeing that causing others some kind of emotional response. Because it might make them feel like a better person. That no one can tear them down just like they do others. But that's not the case. Because people are stronger than the person who hurts them; always. 

Those names might break me down, but you can come back stronger than ever. That is a promise you make to yourself. 

-JS