Just A Dream

I title this post this way as I found it funny. That even the dreams we have as children can still be what we hope to achieve one day. Except they can change as we grow up and grow older. 

My dream has always stayed the same. That I wanted to become a writer. No matter how young I was, or the struggles I faced, writing was a passion that I enjoyed no matter what it was for. Whether I was writing an essay for school, a free write assignment in English class, or a poem or song just for fun. And when I was twelve, that writing dream was to become a journalist and attended the New York University journalism program. 

Of course, I am no longer twelve, but that little girls dream did stay inside my mind for a while. And now that I am twenty-five, and was looking into my masters, my twelve year old self decided to try for that dream. 

The application was submitting the writing pieces I was most proud of, and an admissions essay. Even after having friends read and give notes on my essay, I felt that I was confident in how it was and just hit the submit button. Finding out I got an interview was the shock of a lifetime. 

After the interview, stress and my nervous became a constant everyday. Leading up to that letter that hit my inbox. The letter that told me my twelve year old self’s dream had become a reality. 

As the “accept” button blinked at me, I hesitated. And my twenty five year old mind began to force me to check my current reality. Not just the dream of once wanting to be a journalist in that program, but the financial cost of how much it would burden me in the long run. And that I truly no longer wanted to be a journalist. But a publisher. 

So as I hit the “decline” button on my decision, and officially closed my twelve year old self’s dream, I hold on to my current one. That I will find a masters program that suits my current dream; to become an editor and published author. 

Dreams are always going to change in our lives. And reshape to fit our lives as they are. Effortlessly always changing.